i’m glad plants can’t talk because when you’d water them they’d make gross drinking noises and be like “mmmm MMMMMmmmm MMMMMM” and it’d be SO UNCOMFORTABLE
and then when you stepped on grass it’d be like “oi what the fuck m8”
is ur grass australian
i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police
"No-one play Chopin like you."
"I hope that’s a compliment."
i’m frequently visited by three spirits at night
- the ghost of i fucked up
- the ghost of i’m currently fucking up
- and the ghost of i’m probably going to fuck up in the future