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i’m glad plants can’t talk because when you’d water them they’d make gross drinking noises and be like “mmmm MMMMMmmmm MMMMMM” and it’d be SO UNCOMFORTABLE

and then when you stepped on grass it’d be like “oi what the fuck m8”

is ur grass australian

(Source: sarsbo, via iamstevenglansburg)




i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

(via emmatheadventurous)

"No-one play Chopin like you."
"I hope that’s a compliment."

(Source: nortonings, via satanismyfather)


i’m frequently visited by three spirits at night

  • the ghost of i fucked up
  • the ghost of i’m currently fucking up
  • and the ghost of i’m probably going to fuck up in the future

(via attachedsomewhere)


buying clothes that aren’t black is hard

(via lanadelrayj)

(via rumour)

(Source: sensxal-bliss, via littlelaaam)

After high school you realize you were only friends with some people because you saw them five times a week.
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